have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
