$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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