Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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