Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
