I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
