Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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