One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
