every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
