i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
