I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
only you would photoshop your dick
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
