I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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