And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
