i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
