If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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