Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think your dad took our porno
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
