Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
