Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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