she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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