From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
