So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
