I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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