Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
ttyl tear gas
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
