I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
