How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
