who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
