Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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