What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
