I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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