New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
