you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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