do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
