Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
