Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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