Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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