did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
