I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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