it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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