What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
