UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
