Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
vagina is talking i cant
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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