so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
