i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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