I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
