I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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