I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
