my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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