May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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