After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you would pick up someone in the library
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
