STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My liver just broke up with me...
I will die if light touches me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
