We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
