so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
