Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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