Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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