just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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