There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
