he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
