I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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